Tis the Season to be Whatever Your Are

Tis the season to be jolly….but what if you’re not? As we wish each other days that are “merry and bright,” can we also leave room for the full spectrum of emotions that may surface during the holidays?

Here’s an alternative holiday jingle (unlikely to top the charts, but worth considering):

May your days be exactly as they are, and may you feel whatever you feel—stormy, tender, confused, happy, sorrow-filled, ecstatic, grateful, or disappointed.

May you be blessed to experience the depth of who you are.”

Jolly is optional.

This is a time when we often think of others, and then fill our hours buying stuff. But what if we could give instead the greatest gift of all—our presence—that quiet, generous place in us that holds others in love and appreciation.

Whether or not we say it aloud, our message can be clear: “I get you and appreciate you, just as you are.”

A great loss

This fall, my island community lost one of its most beloved performers. No one knew that underneath her fetching smile and gorgeous voice lived a soul who was hurting. Not even her best friends understood the depth of her hormone-amplified depression. (Her husband later shared that menopause had been profoundly difficult for her.)

Her death came as a shock. Suicide always leaves questions like, “How did we miss this and what could we have done?”

Sometimes, there is no answer. She was deeply loved.

In her memory, perhaps we could take pause and ask, “Who in my life is hurting and in need of a hug, a kind word, or extra support?”

It might be you.

A Christmas (or holiday) blessing

So here is my holiday gift to you—to use as you see fit.

Ode to Joy

Last week, while still grappling with partial deafness, I watched a movie about Beethoven. My struggles feel small compared to his! As you may know, Beethoven wrote his final symphony, the 9th, while fully deaf and deeply miserable. Fortunately for all of us, Beethoven’s desire to share his music was stronger than his desire to take his life.

The 9th Symphony is at times stormy and dissonant, yet it contains one of classical music’s most transcendent compositions, the “Ode to Joy.” Beethoven reminds us, as we come through the storms, that joy can be there for us.

Joy is an aspiration, an invitation not tied to feelings-of-the-moment. It doesn’t demand that life go our way, that we “succeed” or reach a milestone, or carry bright feelings.

Joy is a call and response with the universe, an opening of our arms, and an uplifting of our souls—whatever we are facing.

Beethoven’s Ode to Joy came out of a body wracked with pain and a spirit soured by depression.

My joy last week was being able to hear Beethoven even when I couldn’t hear the whistle of the tea kettle.

In closing

As the holidays approach, know that you are cared for—and have permission to be exactly as you are. Then share that care and permission with others.

May you find joy—the deep joy that lives beyond expectations, disappointments, and feelings. The joy that lives in the dance of a slug wiggling down a garden path, the shimmer of a spider web in a window, and in a wink, smile, teardrop, holiday light, or baby’s burp.

May you be filled with the joy that whispers, “You are here and that is enough.”

Hallelujah.