Time to Move
Next week, I plan (okay—hope) to move this newsletter blog to Substack. It should be simple… but let’s be honest. We’re talking […]
In Case of Catastrophe—Calm
When the news bombards us with calamity after calamity, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed, our minds caught in a never-ending spin […]
The Future Needs Us to Go Deeper
Einstein once observed that our problems can’t be solved at the same level of thinking that created them. My take? To address […]
The Power of Kindness (First lessons from recovery)
I’m five weeks into my recovery from hip replacement surgery, and things are going well. By well, I also mean SLOWLY. It […]
Time to shout “no” to misogyny
I wish it were easy to just say no to a force that has been weighing us down for centuries—affecting our bodies […]
Have you taken the AI challenge
(Hint: It helps to be human) The rapid advance of AI technology feels dizzying, exciting, and terrifying. New technology is outpacing our […]
A Gift from an Unusual Source
What if you could strengthen the qualities you need by feeling your connections with friends who have died? I know this may sound […]
What to say (or not say) to a friend who is dying
Thanks for reading—it’s not easy to think about losing a friend, let alone what to say. I’m not thinking today about the […]
All You Need is Love (but skip the roses)
I’m writing this on the National Day of Loving, aka Show-People-You-Love-Them-By-Spending-Money-on-Them Day, aka Valentine’s Day. How did we get started with this […]
Blessing the glad and the sad
Thanksgiving in the US is almost here, the day we sit around the table, hopefully with family and friends, and share with […]
Beyond Barbie (What would you say in your speech?)
When I was eight, the girls in my neighborhood loved playing with dolls. I didn’t. I preferred to explore the Connecticut woods […]
Friendship in a Post-Pandemic world
Did friendship change during the pandemic? It’s hard to say. But I know what changed for me: I don’t take it for […]
Nine Reasons NOT to Write a Book* (*unless you must)
1. Writing a book takes time—more than you can imagine. Whoever purports: “You can write a book in ten days” (or two […]
Bringing light into dark
Monday morning, my husband asked me to read a heavily researched article about a small pack of men who had been systematically […]
Dropping “should” for “I prefer”
Yesterday, I faced a blank blog post without an idea of what to write. No ideas. It was too late in the […]
We Don’t Need to Know Before We Go
One of the cool things about artists is that they often start their pieces (and I’m defining artist in the broadest possible […]
Give your brain a break—extend your mind
Where does the mind live? In our brains? Our bodies? The environment? Each other? Some mix? Or, as philosophers Andy Clark and […]
Should I say, “thank you” to “Alexa?”
Are chatbots making human interaction transactional during a time when human civility is increasingly endangered? I put the idea to the test […]
STOP!
STOP!Fermati!Arrête !СТОП! STOP! is a good word to have in your pocket. It’s short, abrupt, and good in emergencies. When I ride […]
If Trees Could Weep
If trees could weep, would they send sorrowsinto the groundthrough roots, mycelium,into rivers and seas? Blending stories from birch and beech, spruce and […]
Life as improv–Nine rules for a better performance
In my sixties, I did a number of improvisational theatre classes, until the pandemic hit. I miss the fun, but no matter. […]
Are we becoming Zoom zombies?
I’m about to do my first talk as a presenter at a Zoom conference. I’m not worried about what I’m going to […]
Can we think about that, please?
Tapping my deep knowing or intuition helps me navigate life from a place of inner-directedness. The question, “What am I feeling called […]
How to say no, nicely
For some of us, the pandemic brought a guilty pleasure. We were released from the burden of having to say no […]
Zoom fatigue? It’s real and what to do
Many of us have been experiencing a chronic condition since early into the pandemic: Zoom fatigue. It’s growing worse. Last November, Psychiatric […]
Why not let life be complex?
This US Presidential Inauguration Day, a group of riders on white horses wearing white coats will ride into Washington, D.C. to assume […]
This revolution will require love
Is it OK to rage when we’re committed to practicing love? How do we love someone whose words and actions have lead […]
Is your head stuck in the sand? (Hint: neither is the ostrich’s)
How much news can one take? My working answer is simple: it depends. My friend Dan used to work as a crime reporter. […]
Saying “yes/and” to dementia.
Saying “joy” and “dementia” in one sentence could sound like an oxymoron. Like many, I have a fear that I might someday […]
Do you know these (mostly) new words?
Words create worlds. Words in turn have lives of their own. I used to think that the words in the dictionary had […]
Zoomed out? Time to Zoom back in.
Zoom’s emerging as a technical hero of the pandemic. Millions of people are connecting in ways no one would have thought possible […]
Time to think long haul
On the trail Some years ago, on a sunny day hike with a friend in Washington’s Cascade Mountains, I started running […]
Stop demonizing when there’s so much to learn
My go-to default for almost anything, miserable or exciting, is learning. I would have rephrased Descartes or Hamlet or whomever to say, […]
“All shall be well again” (I hope)
Trust. It’s not the easiest quality for me to find in these dystopian-feeling days. So I turned to a fourteenth-century mystic who […]
Eight tips to interview like a pro (and have more fun talking with people)
These ideas come from four years of interviewing a captivating group of guests on my Vital Presence podcast. If you’re not recording […]
Three crazy super-easy ways to add thanks to your life
[et_pb_section bb_built=”1″][et_pb_row][et_pb_column type=”4_4″][et_pb_text _builder_version=”3.21.4″ z_index_tablet=”500″] Many of us in the United States are preparing for the November marathon known as Thanksgiving. While […]
Finding fiery hope
“Hope locates itself in the premises that we don’t know what will happen and that in the spaciousness of uncertainty is room […]
What if, sometimes, there is no reason?
[et_pb_section bb_built=”1″ admin_label=”section” _builder_version=”3.0.47″][et_pb_row admin_label=”row” _builder_version=”3.0.48″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″][et_pb_text _builder_version=”3.21.4″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” z_index_tablet=”500″] Does everything happen for a reason? Even […]
Play your way into presence
How does one learn to be more present–in that state of being in the moment, open, receptive, and curious? And how do […]
Peeking into the lives of others
I’m fascinated by how others live, not just by the face they show the world. Living in Paris, I’d spend hours […]
Cultivate kindness in small doses
[et_pb_section bb_built=”1″ admin_label=”section” _builder_version=”3.0.47″][et_pb_row admin_label=”row” _builder_version=”3.0.48″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″][et_pb_text _builder_version=”3.17.6″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat”] Don’t we all need a little more kindness […]
Sweat your way to community
[et_pb_section bb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”3.0.47″][et_pb_row _builder_version=”3.0.48″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″][et_pb_text _builder_version=”3.17.6″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat”] Sometimes you build community by talking, finding common interests, and […]
Small talk
[et_pb_section bb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”3.0.47″][et_pb_row _builder_version=”3.0.48″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″][et_pb_text _builder_version=”3.17.6″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat”] Red alert: The holidays are coming! Thanksgiving in the U.S. […]
What you can and can’t afford to forget
[et_pb_section bb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”3.0.47″][et_pb_row _builder_version=”3.0.47″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″][et_pb_text _builder_version=”3.0.106″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” background_layout=”light”] Do you forget things? I do…and it bugs me, […]
The Dummies Guide to Disrespect (15 tips)
[et_pb_section bb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”3.0.47″][et_pb_row _builder_version=”3.0.47″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″][et_pb_text _builder_version=”3.0.106″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” background_layout=”light”] Enough!! I hate to add anything to the pantheon […]
How to support a friend in need
[et_pb_section bb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”3.0.47″][et_pb_row _builder_version=”3.0.47″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″][et_pb_text _builder_version=”3.0.106″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” background_layout=”light”] As I’m writing this, my friend Susan Partnow’s husband […]
Do you have FOF? (Fear of feedback?)
[et_pb_section bb_built=”1″ admin_label=”section” _builder_version=”3.0.47″][et_pb_row admin_label=”row” _builder_version=”3.0.47″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″][et_pb_text _builder_version=”3.0.106″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” background_layout=”light”] Turns out a lot of us are […]
A little retreat from the heat
Some like it hot. I do not. Or at least, not anymore. When I was a kid, swimming was my passion. […]
Three words that can change your life (they’re not what you think)
If I asked you for the three most powerful words you’d use to change a situation, what would you offer? […]
The Secret Key to IGNITING Performance
[et_pb_section bb_built=”1″ admin_label=”section” _builder_version=”3.0.47″][et_pb_row admin_label=”row” _builder_version=”3.0.47″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″][et_pb_text _builder_version=”3.0.106″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” background_layout=”light”] Picture this: a lively […]
What’s your legacy (story)?
[et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ admin_label=”section” _builder_version=”3.0.47″ custom_padding=”13px|0px|54px|0px”][et_pb_row admin_label=”row” _builder_version=”3.0.47″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” custom_padding=”0|0px|27px|0px”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”3.0.47″ parallax=”off” parallax_method=”on”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”3.0.106″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat”] I’ve spent […]
What about your work do you love, love, love…
[et_pb_section bb_built=”1″ admin_label=”section” _builder_version=”3.0.47″][et_pb_row admin_label=”row” _builder_version=”3.0.47″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″][et_pb_text _builder_version=”3.0.63″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” background_layout=”light” text_orientation=”left” border_style=”solid”] It’s been a hard week. […]
What to say when you don’t want to say anything
I woke up this morning thinking about what to write and…and my brain was empty. What do you say when your […]
On Valentine’s Day: How to skip the sugar and give some real appreciations
[et_pb_section bb_built=”1″ admin_label=”section” _builder_version=”3.0.47″][et_pb_row admin_label=”row” _builder_version=”3.0.47″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″][et_pb_text _builder_version=”3.0.63″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” background_layout=”light” text_orientation=”left” border_style=”solid”] Remember “Sweethearts,” the little pink […]
What will you stand for?
What do you stand for? Isn’t it time to get a little bolder, to speak up for the truths you hold […]
Finding Lightfulness
‘Tis the season of light in many faiths. But not all of us are feeling jolly. This is also a time of […]
Weaving community–through stories
Last week, I had the privilege of once again participating in a Story Bridge event in Seattle. A very diverse group came […]
Create a world. In six words.
Remember when you were in grade school and you returned from your summer break, knowing that your new teacher would ask you, […]
When “I” Becomes “We:” Letting our stories connect us
I’m looking forward to helping a new friend work on a grant application for his nonprofit. He does critically important work inspiring […]
Dare to ask a bigger question
Several years ago, when I started to reinvent my business, I faced a sea of unknowns and many questions. I wondered: What was […]
Why Some Meetings Fail Before They Begin
If you work in an organization or business, or volunteer regularly in the community, how many hours do you spend weekly in […]
A Manifesto for Disruptors and Manifesto-makers
Recently, I had an opportunity to interview two cool, world-class disruptors who are challenging society’s beliefs about aging: Dr. Bill Thomas, author […]
The Subversive Pile Next to My Bed
Words can be dangerous, sentences subversive. At a time when many of us are asking, “What can I do,” I’m starting a very undercover […]
Four Words to Help You Bridge Divides
Have you noticed how the fault lines between our values in the United States are becoming chasms? The distances separating conservatives […]
Why Music is Subversive
As I was mid-way through the Women’s March Olympia, (capitol of the other Washington), a woman near me burst into song: “This little […]
Launching a website (or take that Russian trolls!)
Today I launch my website 2.0. New. Pared down. Beautiful (I hope). Designed to be useful. But perfect. No. It should have been […]
When you want to explode, maybe don’t
We see so much fear and anger playing out on the national scene this fall. It’s led to some pretty ugly diatribes. […]
“Tell Me Your Story.” How to Elicit GREAT Stories From Your Clients (and Friends)
Many years ago, I was sitting in a doctor’s private office, waiting to meet a holistic practitioner who had been highly recommended […]
Isn’t it time to share your story?
Your story matters. Or more accurately, your stories. I know because I’ve been working on a project this summer, helping dozens of nurses […]
Five books to match your summer moods
Summer’s passing – too fast, I’m afraid, but hopefully you still have time to take a vacation or a few extra moments […]
Honoring our true colors in a violent world
Black lives matter. White lives matter. Pantone* shade 316 – 6C lives matter. *a system printers use for matching colors Like you, I’m […]
Don’t create your legacy – claim it
Near the end of the movie Schindler’s List, there’s a gut-wrenching moment when the Jews who’ve been kept alive by Oskar Schindler […]
What to do when an opponent labels you?
Do you remember hearing, “sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me?” Maybe your Mom, like mine, […]
Restore Thinking to Her Place of Honor
My friend Thinking is one of the world’s great unsung heroes and a good friend of mine. But she’s been looking depressed recently. […]
How to survive Mercury (retrograde) poisoning
Mercury has gone retrograde. Oh baby. Hang on to your electronics, your communications and your relationships. I don’t know much about astrology […]
Five questions about your bio your clients are secretly asking
Your bio isn’t your resumé. Its purpose is to help people decide whether they want to connect with you. Let it sing with your […]
Thanks for the light and the dark
“THANKS” is a poem for this season and for these times. My friend Anne shared it with me recently, introducing me to the work […]
A learning journey to India
It may be easy to believe that your culture is the one right way when you’ve grown up in just one culture, […]
Money can’t buy it (a story)
When Mary sat down at the table for coaching, I could tell that something had changed. With her sandy hair, impish face, […]
Time for tea and reflection
Welcome to November, the time of long nights and cold rain in the Northwest. Our glorious Indian Summer, which I celebrated in […]
Know How You Feel to Change How You Think
Lots of self help gurus preach that we can change what we believe (and then act) by changing how we think. Powerful stuff, […]
Are you ready to unmask from “appropriate”?
Did anyone ever tell you, as a kid, that you needed to be appropriate? Sure, it’s important in our civil culture to […]
In praise of an audience of one
Despite the buzz about content marketing, and writing for your audience, the words of Kurt Vonnegut, as quoted by the brilliant Maria Popova, live on: "write for an audience of one".
Want to practice BEING vulnerable? Try clowning!
The words “be vulnerable” are now becoming mainstream, thanks, in part, to Brené Brown. In her brilliant TEDx talk, she talked about […]
Do you choose high seas or a safe harbor?
Action heroes are always taking risks, daring greatly and saving the planet. They'll probably always choose high seas over safe harbors. But for the rest of us, managing the balance of risk and safety is a skill to cultivate.
Find Your Best Frame
Last week, I gave a workshop on Strategic Storytelling at a conference of fundraisers. Strategic storytelling is the vivid use of stories […]
How NOT to Ask a Question
Questions can be life-changing. They can help you: See the world with new eyes Redefine a problem Find options that […]
Mind Your Cues to Change Your Habits
Habits are useful. They help us not to think. Like checklists they help us navigate complexity. But changing a habit we don't want can be hard -- and understanding cues can help.
Why Some Conflicts Will NEVER Go Away
Who likes conflict? I don't! But sometimes within our conflicts, we can spot the forces that are in tension - that will never go away - and learn to live with them!
How to change your pose to change your life
Can body language, and specifically your posture influence how you think, how you feel, and how you are perceived in the world? Dr. Amy Cuddy thinks so - and presents her findings in her popular TED talk. I do too, except that those power poses all look like alpha males! I think so, and that’s why I wanted to hear Dr. Amy Cuddy’s TED talk “Your Body Language Shapes Who You Are.” It’s one of most viewed TED talks ever. I could see why: Cuddy’s poised, personal, and packs a powerful take-away: the idea that you can become more self assured and be perceived as powerful by simply shifting your stance for a couple of minutes.
How to give advice people want to hear
Ever wish that you could give people a piece of your mind and have them wanting more? Or, give feedback that someone really used because it was both tough and compassionate? The best model I’ve found recently for balancing straight talk with caring isn’t in a leadership book. It’s in an on-line advice column “Dear Sugar” by Cheryl Strayed, compiled in her book, Tiny Beautiful Things.
50 Shades of Introversion
This week I have a new coaching client and I’m so excited: he’s smart, he’s competent, he listens well and….he’s an introvert. […]
Try the Appreciation Diet Before Thanksgiving
Appreciations are the low-hanging fruit of communications that build better relationships. Yet most of us could offer so many offer. Why not go on an appreciation diet to build your gratitude muscle for Thanksgiving?
Should we lose or use our anger?
How do you live with ANGER? Would you rather avoid it? Move beyond it? Or use it as a fuel for action? Of all the emotions, anger is the one that I like least. So I was interested in some thoughts from Deepak Chopra about letting go of anger...at the same time I was left wondering, "Aren't there ways to use our anger, too?
How to pick the perfect email closing
I'm taking a break from teaching about conflict to explore this life defining if tongue-in-cheek topic: email closing salutations!
How to take some emotional heat without getting scorched
Conflict and deep emotion often go together. Recently, I've been learning how hard it is to stand in the fire and take the heat, when a disagreement turns strongly emotional. Here are a few insights I pulled from the embers after the first flames of a recent conflict died back.
A Secret Tool to Help You with Difficult Conversations
If you’re like most folks I’ve worked with, handling conflict, especially when it involves messy emotional conversations, is not your cup of tea. Conflict comes with the role of a leader – and it’s important to be able to have those difficult conversations. I bet you handle conversations well when differences are clear-cut, objective and technical. But do you run for cover when things become confrontational and feelings start flying? Well here's help - new skills - that come from improvisational theatre.
Unleash the Creativity Within Conflict!
We may want to avoid certain conflicts, but learning to manage conflict is necessary for creativity. Besides, it makes a better story.
How to Stop But-ting
When we say "yes, but" in our controversial conversations we can escalate conflict and decrease listening. Last week, I taught about a way to reach a better outcome. Just don't say what I did!
