Choosing What You Choose
Too many choices? Too little time? “First world problem,” you might say — and often, I agree.
Having choices is a privilege. But oddly enough, being faced with so many decisions can flatten us rather than bring joy.
When I lived in Manhattan, I delighted in the Arts & Entertainment section of the Sunday New York Times. Even with a limited budget, I could visit the latest exhibit at the Met (still free!) or snag a standing-room ticket for the opera. But after circling a few enticing events, the reality would hit: for every cultural experience I chose, there were ten more I wouldn’t get to enjoy. I’d feel a twinge of disappointment, already missing what I hadn’t even done.
Now I live on a small island. The pace is slower, and the selection smaller, but the dilemma of too many options persists. Should I go to a concert at the arts center, attend a local theatre performance, take a leisurely Gallery Walk — or just stay home and enjoy the quiet?
Even at this scale, I can’t do it all.
Everyday overwhelm
Then come the daily choices: Work tasks. House projects. Time with friends. The garden. Doctors. And the pull of creative expression — painting, writing, drawing — (my lust for exploration already verging on the un-doable).
And of course, I still want to help this broken world.
I may be guilty of overpacking my life, but I know I’m not alone. Even a trip to the grocery store bombards me with decisions. What kind of milk or cream for my coffee? 1%? 2%? Lactose-free? Oat, almond, soy? Organic or not?
While it may be a luxury to have a case of oat milk products to choose from—it’s also exhausting.
The Paradox of Choice
Psychologist Barry Schwartz called this The Paradox of Choice. His research showed that the more options we have, the less satisfied we tend to be with our decisions. Each choice takes effort, and afterward, we’re often left wondering: Did I make the right one?
“Instead of increasing decision satisfaction, having too many options made people less likely to be satisfied that they had made the best decision.”
— The Decision Lab
And life has only gotten more complex since Schwartz published his findings in 2004
Lingering Doubts
The trouble is, second-guessing my decisions robs me of the joy in doing what I did choose. I’ve found myself weeding the garden while mentally revisiting the three other things I could have done with that same hour.
Then, instead of delighting in the growing world around me, I fret about finding time to pull the remaining 18,752 weeds.
Wisdom from the Muse
Amid this frustration, I turned to the Muse — my inner guidance system, the one I write about in Meeting the Muse After Midlife.
I asked: How can I deal with the complexity of choices I’m facing, and still feel satisfied with my life?
The answer came clearly:
“Choose what you choose.”
Bingo.
Maybe it’s not about making the perfect decision, but about being present in the one I made.
After all:
Life is complex, and the number of choices we face is only growing.
Our days remain 24 hours long. (If I had 36, I’d fill those too.)
We often won’t know if we’ve made the right choice until much later, and we can face the consequences then.
Gratitude can sweeten the burden of decision-making.
None of us can save the world alone — we each have to discern what’s ours to do.
Inside everything we do — fun or mundane — there’s something to notice, learn, or be curious about.
Choosing to be fully present with the task at hand can reduce stress and bring peace, even joy.
Still Learning
I can’t pretend to be an expert at this. I still overfill my schedule and end up feeling fried and frustrated by what I’m not doing.
But learning to choose what I choose is a skill I’m committed to cultivating.
Because life is short and likely to get more complex, and while I’m here—I want to feel like I’m truly here.
With you on the journey,
