Is it time to start returning?

It’s time to start talking about APAD: Anticipatory Post-pandemic Apprehension Disorder.

Unless it’s just my issue.

I was so excited to have my second COVID vaccination shot last week, I’m starting to feel like there’s light at the end of the tunnel. I can see my grandson! Hug a friend!

Maybe I can start returning to …what? Normal is already gone. What’s my alternative?

This worries me.

And what happens to the introverted me that finds it yummy to spend time reading, writing, and working alone, interspersed with meals with my mate and conversations with the dogs? I feel like a shy kid, not quite ready to go back to school.

Maybe I need to start one person at a time. Maybe one person a week.

Will this mean I can no longer blame COVID for all the tasks I forgot, incompletions, and general disinterest in doing anything useful?

Or, the fact that I’ve lost my fitness and my stamina?

It seems too soon to take responsibility for myself.

First, could we heal (I hope) the holes the pandemic has worn in my brain? I need to know whether they will fill back in.

Speaking of things filling in, I hope I can wear earrings. I may not have holes left.

I look forward to the day I can sit in a café and enjoy a latté with a friend. But wait, do I still have to wear a mask? That’s not fun. Maybe we can Zoom with our coffee for a little while longer.

I’ve heard that the local performance hall is going to offer a public lecture with limited, well-spaced, seating–and the obligatory masks. How exciting. But wait, can I wear my jammies?  I’ve gotten used to attending lectures while curled comfortably on the sofa.

One of these days, I’ll be able to dress up and wear one of the beautiful jackets that have hung in my closet, unloved, for the year. But then again, what does dress-up mean? Can I still wear my designer mask with the tropical bird on the front?

I’m used to dressing being simple: five easy-care choices. When I want to dress up I add a scarf to my t-shirt and stretch pants.

Will people start expecting me to drive to meetings and, heavens, even take a ferry into Seattle?

I’m already nervous (see introversion above).

Maybe I’m kidding and maybe I’m not. I have no clue what’s ahead. This is not like returning from vacation.

When you go away on an extended trip, you expect the world to be somewhat the same when you get back.

What if everybody went away on extended trips and the world moved and changed a lot before they got back?

That would be disorienting.

Which is what I expect.

Now.

Want a little vaccine humor?